A man who is donating his belongings, will only give the amount that will be reduced from his possession, but he will still be able to sustain himself, and his lifestyle. We only donate what we really don’t need. We place a certain amount in our minds, free to let other’s take pleasure of it, but I gave my all. You can never deny it.
It is said that when you start putting your mind to something, you can have it all. You can work your mind through it and you can start enjoying the peace of your mind. You can enjoy the pleasure you gain within. You’re enjoying the fact that you are putting effort, but once all this effort is lost, it feels like a wind that carries away your pride and shouts your defeat to everyone.
The young man I fell in love with, is no longer here, he has no longer the ability to make my heart feel loved, he can no longer kiss me with passion and tell me that I am the One for him. There is no such thing as a soulmate, for as we meet people on the daily. We decide what is good for us, and we do not let go of that, even if everyone around us tells us that we are destroying ourselves.
It is painful to watch ourselves die in that way, because it is a death that we never wanted. We did not demand this pain and pity, it is the sorrow that comes with our poorly thought through decisions and loveless requirements.
I often wonder what love meant to me in that period, but I always knew it was him who could reduce the horrible feelings I get when I look toward this world. He understood me like no other man did, he was strong enough to fight all the demons I had in me, and not once did he tell me to leave.
He was like this abandoned cottage at the end of a city, where no man would enter because they thought it was haunted. Women came and left that cottage, they sold their bodies to the haunted cottage, they seemed impressive and they tried to enhance their beauty before entering that damned place.
I do not know what I was doing there, maybe just seeking shelter, when the night was covered in storms and I saw the ghost of his presence there; as gorgeous as he always was, but I was not under his spell of forgetfulness. I would come back to him to relive the discussions with him.
He could never make me feel as if I wanted to leave that place, it became my second home and I felt safe. No matter how silly and egoistic it sounds, I didn’t feel that he was playing me, I was safe there. I am sounding like a madman when I say that the haunted cottage with his ghost there was a safe place for my lost soul.
But he had me, and he lost me. He managed to make my mind think that the cottage was for no good. It was sometimes hot and sometimes cold, but never the way I felt it when I went there the first time, so I slowly gave up and he tried to impress me by leading my ways to that cottage but I only looked at it from the outside and it was pure beauty, but never as beautiful as it was the very first day.
With my deluded heart I went back home and cried. I had lost what I once found very precious. It is gone and I am homeless again with the shelter above my head. I do not bother to think about it anymore because all that I had is gone now. I have said my goodbye’s.