Chocolate 

Third letter from the hospital. 

For an entire night I felt like the most miserable person on this planet, by just vomiting and having the worst headaches, heartburns, and pains all over my body. When everything happened, I forgot to bring my phone with me, so I couldn’t inform any of my friends of my condition. 

All there was, was my family and honestly, I felt lonely. It was a horrible moment looking out of the window and just feeling yourself break in to pieces. For a person that is always doing something, it is very strange to just have to lay down and think, and sometimes listen to the other patient’s conversations. 

When my bestfriend found out about me being in the hospital it was already a night passed, and in the afternoon of the next day, he connected his phone to the internet, and found out from one of my dearest friends of what I had done. 
Luckily, in that moment my sister had given me her phone, and he texted me straight away. Now not that I wasn’t used to it that he runs to me wherever I was, but that day was just different. 

He just said he is coming and in a matter of thirty minutes he popped out of nowhere and having a very concerned look on his face. He came up to me whilst a nurse was trying to put my IV drip on somewhere high, because there wasn’t a spike for the IV bag to hold it up. 

He, being the silly person he is, after three minutes of her trying to put it on the table or on the window, started to make faces behind her back and making me laugh. When she finally found a spike, that was right in the middle of the room, she left and I was there with him and my sister only. 

There were two other old patients in that room that saw me the first time having visitors, since all my family was mainly busy. He looked at me and handed me a box, that he was holding all along and it was a little chocolate cake and when I looked at him he said “They didn’t have your favorite chocolate”. 

I bursted in to laughter, because that’s just how he is. I couldn’t stop laughing and just as I finished laughing he tried to sit down on a rolling chair, where he fell down not once, but thrice. And I laughed again and again. 

It was still unknown to him, why I tried taking my life and I hope innerly that he never finds out. It hurts him to see me in pain and honestly, it would kill me to see him in pain because of me. Yet I put him through so much, and not even be aware of it. 

When he saw me laughing, he was relieved that I was feeling okay. It was very hard for me to hold back my pain, but I didn’t even feel anything when he was there, because everything had faded and we made the worst type of jokes, the silliest, dumbest and yet, it was all so funny. 

I can bet that I looked disgusting, I had been there for so long without changing my clothes, no make up, and with dirty sticky hair. You could just see from my face how horrible my night before was, and he still did say that I look ‘cute’. 

And honestly, before he came, I didn’t even worry about how I look. It never mattered to him nor me, he had seen me in my worst, and I have never felt that comfortable with anyone. He just knew me. 

Before leaving he hugged me really tight and now I’m here, just smiling all along, thinking of how he made my day better, like he always has. I am in love with his way of making me feel happy and better about myself. 

Everyone needs someone that makes them love themselves even more, and now that I think about it I’m glad that I didn’t succeed in taking my life, because my life is only better because of the people in it. I love all of my friends, and am so thankful for all I have.

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7 thoughts on “Chocolate 

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  1. Awh… I’m glad to hear ur friend visited u. I can’t understand what state ur mind is in. u must’ve been so so low to attempt to do such a thing. Ur wee heart must be so tangled and down lower than anyone could imagine. I’m glad to hear ur out the other side of this and smiling again. Laughing too. He must mean so much to u. I can only say a wee prayer for strength. I’m of no real help but I’m thinking about u as my daughter was that low and I’d to stay close while she was in that state. We’re both happier now. You’ll be happier again. God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ur a strong woman. Uv a lot going for u. U just don’t see it yet but things do click in place. My daughter didn’t think she could go on. Grab onto any chance of love. Follow ur heart. Trust urself. We’ve been through hell and both of us a year on can see why we’d the lowest points in our lives. We trusted ourselves and went with our hearts. It takes time. We’d to wait and be patient. When ur ill the real friends show up. We saw that too. Take ur chances when they appear and see how they work out. Ur not a failure and u learn if things go wrong. That’s life. Get well soon and never give up. Uv gifts people would love to have. Be strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve always been thankful for everything God blessed me with and also the huge lessons. My friends and also family have stood by me in the ugliest moments, but there are always people that hurt too. They will pay for their own sins, and I have always forgiven everyone that hurts me, because I’d hate to keep grudges.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You think the same as Katie and I. We’re both hurting a lot. I got my faith back. I’d already forgiven and still do forgive. But we can never go back to the bad days. We’re moving on together. That’s all we can do. Trusting in God to get us through. It’s working to His plan now. God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

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